Tuesday 11th March

Woke today to find that someone had had run a roller over the sea during the night, it was still flat but instead of a bright blue gloss finish, it was now a gun metal blue with a stippled finish and although it is warm, the sky is a mass of cotton wool clouds, with the odd patch of blue showing through. This is not the end of the good weather, it is not the beginning of the end, but it is the end of the beginning (apologies to Winston Churchill). Downhill all the way now (temperature wise) to Japan. Talks today Life and times in politics Michael Howard and Graphology (handwriting analysis) Dianne Simpson. Both very good and very entertaining. Michael had some very funny anecdotes in what we were expecting to be a rather dry talk. And Dianne mixed humour in with some very revealing aspects of famous (and infamous) people. She had samples of Peter Sutcliffe’s handwriting, from the days leading up to a killing, on the day of a killing and the days after which she displayed on the screen. As he was a delivery driver they had lots of examples, which they analysed in detail after he had been committed. And weirdly the same changes occur today when he approaches and goes through a psychotic period (though of course they hide all the potential weapons when he does). She had us all do writing under various conditions showing how our writing is influenced by circumstances and after having us write a sentence, accurately (in both mine and Carol’s) told us some of our character traits from things like the positioning of the dot over the i and the lead in (and out) tails on letters.

Wednesday 12th March

The sea got lumpy overnight and we woke to 45mph wind and 3.5m waves, rain was heeming it down, flooding the balcony but the temperature was about 23°C so wasn’t all bad. Sailing through the Philippine Sea, we passed over the Challenger Deep, part of the Mariana Trench named after HMS Challenger who (in 1875) was the first ship to record its depth of 7 miles. Seven Miles Deep! don’t know how they did it, unless they had a 7 mile long piece of string and a very long tape measure.

We had somebody fall overboard today and in all that rough weather too, then we sank! It all started with a small fire in the officer’s quarters which spread until we had to abandon ship. I didn’t bother as I was having a cup of tea in the Lido, but all the ships company were having a lot of fun playing what we used to call in the Navy “war games” We went down to book a tour in Bombay (sorry mumble; or something like that) in the foyer there was a huge group of people in life jackets (or preservers as they now call them) and as I passed through the group I noticed the captain talking to a young girl. He was asking her questions like, what is your name? and, what is your number? Ah, I thought, some things never change. Poor girl was so flustered that she was having difficulty answering those questions, but I shouldn’t laugh it wasn’t that long ago I was asked for my name and when I paused to think, the young lady said quite sweetly “question too difficult for you?” so I know how she felt.

Anyway we booked a full day in Bomubia, may as well make use of those visas. Talk today was by John Penycate on religions of the world, he had some interesting things to say about the USA.

Carol spent most of the day asleep, didn’t even make the gym, it’s the rocking motion that does it. That meant that she read her book till four in the morning so I guess she will need to reset her body clock. That’s about all for today, by the way Laura, no one really fell overboard, there was no fire and we didn’t really sink just in case you were wondering, it was a practise just in case.

Thursday 13th March

We are still in the Philippine Sea (far Eastern edge), relentlessly making for Japan. North that is; towards the cold that is; just as we note that the UK is getting a mini heat wave. Funny that. We arrive at places and they say oh! Look, you’ve bought the rain we’ve been waiting for rain for over a year, yippee, humph. Never mind, after Japan we do a handbrake turn and head south again. Today is warm and sunny but still a bit windy, the sea has swung round to the south and is lighter, so as it is coming at us from astern, conditions have eased somewhat. Two talks this morning one by Sandra Howard on becoming an author, how she got into writing at 65, it was sort of OK a bit like the curates egg ‘good in parts’. The second by Diane Simpson on handwriting again, this time using samples of anonymous guest’s handwriting (we, the audience knew who they were, she didn’t) she gave an overview of their character, which turned out to be remarkably accurate.

We were on our own for dinner tonight as the other four on our table were going to the Jasmine restaurant for an Asian meal, so as it was a formal night I decided that as a bit of a wind up for Anna, I would sit on one side of the table and Carol would sit over on the opposite side. Which we did and it was a few minutes before Anna spotted us, she came over a bit nonplussed and tried to be polite; Sir, Madam, she began. We are dining alone tonight I informed her the others are going to the Jasmine, a hesitant oh? was all she could manage, as she clearly didn’t really know what else to say. Unfortunately at this point Carol could not maintain a straight face and Anna immediately knew she was being wound up. The relief on her face as she realised she would not be serving us across an otherwise empty table was a picture as I walked round to sit next to Carol again. Had I been paying more attention I would have noticed that glance across her shoulder as she went for the bread rolls, which could only mean one thing. She returned with the basket of rolls and placed one on Carol’s plate before coming round to me and as she placed one on my plate she said quietly enough for only Carol and myself to hear “sir is teasing me again?” Yes I’m afraid I am I admitted feeling rather pleased at the effect it had had on her. Nothing more was said, the wine waiter served the wine and Anna came back to pour our water and we chatted idly whilst waiting for the menus. Anna bought them over and handed Carol hers and then handed me mine, before walking away, again with that glance over her shoulder which this time I did notice, hmmm something’s afoot I thought as I opened my menu. And it was. My menu was written entirely in Japanese! Where do women learn that innocent look? Anna came over and asked, are you ready to order sir? as sweetly as ever and feigned complete surprise when I showed her my menu. Oh sir I am so sorry! I don’t know how that happened. I do I said, Anna is getting her own back. “I’m afraid I am sir” she said with a giggle replacing it with the English version, sigh! there was a time you could get away with these things scot free, not any more.