Friday 24th January

Early start today, the alarm went off at 6:30am and by the time we were showered and up for breakfast we were approaching Aruba. By 09:30 we were ashore to a steel band welcome and the sight of all the officials enthusiastically dancing along to the music.

Our guide for the day, Gwen was a stickler for protocol, we were told to remember our seat numbers as sitting in someone else’s seat often resulted in a black eye. To leave the coach, the right side would disembark first, followed by the left. At the next stop this would be reversed and woe betide anyone who talked when she was.

Aruba is an island of the Lesser Antilles, 16 miles from the coast of Venezuela and measuring a mere 19 miles long by 6 miles wide, a strange amalgam of beautiful pure white beaches azure blue seas and a barren arid desert interior. The reason for this is because the island is solid rock of various types, but much of it old coral as the island was born from the sea thousands of years ago. There are no rivers, rainfall is limited and as a result very little grows here, plant life is restricted to Coconut and other palms, Aloe Vera, cactuses, and Divi-Divi trees. Pronounced the same way as beaver-beaver but with a d.

Ah! I hear you all exclaim, Divi-Divi trees? Yes, a Divi-Divi tree grows straight up until it reaches the branches, all of which point South West at a sharp right angle (useful if you get lost on an island measuring 19×6 miles) but such is the case with the Divi-Divi tree. Also a Divi-Divi tree’s seeds are extremely valuable in the tanning process of leather. However the island has only two cows, both of which are kept in a zoo, which means that many of these seeds go to waste.

If you don’t believe that then read no further, because the cactus that grows on Aruba is even stranger. The tall cowboy cactus produces jam!….. They do! The plant produces little pots of red jam. They grow on the outside of the plant a sort of brownish reddish colour, but they’re a bit hazardous to pick and you have to race the ants, the lizards and the birds for it, because it is so delicious that you ain’t got no chance if you is slow! (in the words of our guide). However if “you is slow” all is not lost because inside the long tall arms there is wood. Which you can use to build things, if others have eaten the jam.

Now you may think that with only Coconuts, Aloe Vera, Cactus Jam and Divi-Divi seeds to live on, one can be excused for thinking that the life span of a resident of Aruba is not long. Well you would be wrong, for some bizarre reason the life span of an Island resident used to be over a hundred years, but is now nearer eighty. This is due to the westernised diet that has become the islander’s fare. However we were told when you do eventually die they don’t put you six feet under, they put you six feet up, because they can’t bury you. The ground is too hard to dig a traditional six foot grave, so they put you in a little coffin shaped box and pile you one on top of each other, a bit like stacking shipping containers. Each container is decorated in the same style as the deceased house was, to make them feel at home so to speak and to verify the story we diverted via a local graveyard where the coffins were particularly tastefully decorated.

Gwen later pointed out that we may have noticed a number of little piles of stones atop of every available rock. She said the significance of these to the islanders meant (pause for dramatic effect) absolutely nothing. She was as bemused as everyone else who lived on the island, by these little piles of stones. It turns out that tourist are responsible. For some reason, known only to themselves tourist are driven to making little piles of stones atop any available fixed piece of rock and as other tourists see these little piles of rocks they assume that it’s an island custom and so do likewise.

And talking about rocks, the abundance of coral means that the dry stone walls (a subject close to my heart as some of you will know) have some interesting stones set in them. One particular wall had a piece of Brain Coral set into it, unfortunately when I got back to the ship I realised that photograph I took, was not of the section of the wall that had the brain coral in. You can imagine my disappointment.

We were then taken to such a large piece of coral that the islanders had carved steps into it. So we all climbed the steps to the top of the coral took some pictures of the island and climbed back down again. And the trip went on in much the same vein, a Bustop made of coral (I took a photo of Carol waiting for a bus under it) a restaurant made of coral, a lighthouse made of, yes, coral. They even took us to see two bridges made of coral but unfortunately the big one had fallen down, (eroded away by the action of the sea) so a disconsolate Gwen told us that it was now one small bridge and a fallen down big bridge, but if we looked at the small bridge we could imagine what the big bridge did look like before it fell down. So we all dutifully looked at the small bridge and imagined the once proud big bridge as it used to be. Sad really! As a whole collection of souvenir shops and ice cream vendors had relied on the two bridges and somehow a little one and a fallen down big one didn’t quite have the same ring to it.

Anyway we all made our way back to our coach, which was Air conditioned, I mention this fact because whilst we were away mourning the demise of the big bridge, an island tourist couch had arrived and parked next to ours and Gwen pointed out it’s energy efficient air conditioning – a complete absence of windows. I took a photo of Carol next to it and made a mental note to advise Shaun of the concept the next time the Jolly Brewers bar gets overheated.

Anyway on to the highlight of the tour, a trip in a semi sub. A semi sub is not really a semi sub it is a boat with windows under the water line, but semi sub sounds more exiting and it would have been churlish to argue what in fact was a moot point. This trip was to look at fish and a sunken ship. I couldn’t help musing on the fact that it was a bit insensitive to show a whole load of passengers from a cruise ship, fish swimming around a sunken ship. But they did and it was very interesting.

It seems that at the outbreak of war this German freighter found itself on the wrong side of the Atlantic so whilst anchored off this (then) neutral island they cogitated on their predicament. Should they attempt to run the blockage of Royal Navy ships, submarines and aircraft or spend the war in this paradise of a neutral tropical Island with its pure white beaches and azure skies. Then just as they were mulling over their options, fate, as fate tends to do, took a hand in things. Mr Hitler made a move that was to seriously inconvenience the crew of this particular freighter, he invaded Holland. Oops! Suddenly this Dutch Antilles tranquil paradise had become a whole lot more menacing, and sure enough they were soon to observe a boatload of Dutch marines heading their way. They were informed quite politely that they had twenty-four hours to depart or face the consequences. Rock and a hard place must have sprung to mind. But the captain was a resourceful man and he ordered the boilers to be lit and that steam be got up. The island observed the smoke from the stack and smiled in grim satisfaction, having advised the allies of the presence of this particular vessel. The chief engineer reported to the captain that steam was up and if he did not leave soon would be up to dangerous levels. The captain ordered the ship’s crew to board the boats and leave the ship. He then made his way below, put the blowers on the boilers up to full, opened the sea cocks and made his way back on deck and clambered down to the last remaining boat. As they made their way to the shore there was a humongous explosion and down she slowly went. The crew spent the war on their tropical island as POW guests of the Dutch Marines. And we ended up peering down at what remains of their ship.

By this time our heads were reeling with all the strange stories we had been told and returned to the ship, wondering if we had been the victims of some complicated practical joke. But I think not, but this really is an island that makes Alice Through the Looking Glass appear sensible.